A short guide to Etiquette in common situations
Etiquette
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While dining...
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Do:
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Put your napkin on your lap while eating.
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Take small portions.
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Do not:
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Eat with too much or too little enthusiasm.
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Use hunting knives, machetes, or guns in the presence of gentry.
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While in the elevator...
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Do:
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Hold the elevator door open, in particular for the elderly or disabled.
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Tell fellow passengers of the Goodness of Our Lord once the doors have closed.
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Do not:
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Make eye Contact With Other passengers while muttering about werewolves.
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Smell, couch, or gather the hair of those in the elevator with you. If this is not possible. ensure you do so clandestinely.
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While at parties...
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Do:
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Attempt conversation with all guests. even bald men and women wearing disreputable shoes.
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Completely obscure from view any unsightly birthmarks or genitalia.
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Do not:
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Make racist remarks unless you qualify them With the Statement "I am not a racist" (exception: badmouthing the Swiss).
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Show fisticuffs unless absolutely necessary.
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While at the office...
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Do:
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Share With your coworkers any new jokes you saw on the Internet. particularly those pertaining to Barack Obama being Muslim or women driving cars poorly.
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Offer to share from your flask Of Adderall-infused whisky.
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Do not:
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Dump fifty gallons Of blood on your boss\'s desk (you will quickly gain a reputation as "the weird one," which looks very bad to juries).
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Leave fingerprints if you do end up having to dump any blood (this also looks bad to juries).
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When encountering People Of The Shadow...
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Do:
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Immediately dismount any horse, bicycle, or motorcycle you are riding.
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Clearly state yourself to be a friend.
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Offer up a sacrifice. either blood (preferred) or money.
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Do not:
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Act startled or scared.
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Make eye contact.
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Think malicious thoughts, as your mind is perfectly transparent to all people Of The Shadow.
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Attempt to escape.
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